I had big plans for this post. But you know what they say about the best laid plans…something about mice and Robert Burns. And probably haggis. There’s usually haggis involved.
In the whirlwind that’s been my life lately, I didn’t have time to research and plan out this post the way I wanted to. Normally, I’d wait until I had time, do the aforementioned research and planning and then post, but I didn’t want to let today go by without acknowledging it. Today is the 10 Year Anniversary of my face.
A lovely girl who will remain unnamed on the left, and me on the right (with my old face)
I’ve mentioned my surgeries before, but just to recap: in December, 2000, I had several medically necessary surgeries on my face to reshape and realign my jaws. A genetic condition caused my jaws to grow at different rates when I hit puberty, and my lower jaw ended up larger than my upper jaw. In moments when I’m feeling especially self-depricating, I describe it as Jay Leno in a wig, but it wasn’t quite that bad. But it wasn’t right, either. Looking at my face, something was “off”: I wasn’t proportional. So I had the surgeries, fixed my face, and have had ten years to think on it.
And in those ten years, I’ve had a lot of thoughts. First, and most importantly, I’m so grateful I had the surgeries. The procedures to alter my jaws gave me back the face I was supposed to have. But I got that face back through processes that carry a lot of stigma within society. Granted, there were medical reasons that these surgeries were necessary, but the biggest personal reason was cosmetic. The part of me that was so desperate to look different than I did understands what drives others to use surgery to change their appearance. And so I’ve found myself defending people’s plastic surgery choices more than I used to. I also find myself considering future plastic surgery; specifically, my nose, which the operations on my jaws accidentally damaged. My old nose was thinner and sleeker (see the photo above), my new nose is much wider and sorta lumpy. I miss my old nose, and some day I may chose to change it back. I also may not. But surgery is an option, and one I would not be ashamed to chose.
I know what it feels like to look at yourself and just know that what you see in the mirror is not who you are supposed to be. And in all the discussions of body image that occur within this section of the blogosphere, I think that conversations over the potentially positive power of surgical change are worth having. My surgeries didn’t just prevent future medical issues. My surgeries reshaped my self-esteem. My surgeries allowed me to feel comfortable smiling again. My surgeries changed my face back to one that looked like my mother’s. My surgeries gave me back my face. I can’t begin to explain how much that changed and defined me.
Yep, that’s me. One classy broad.
So happy anniversary to a face that’s laughed until it cried, sang Mozart in front of a full house, touched its nose with its tongue, can hold the contents of an entire tin of Altoids at one time, keeps trying to whistle but just ends up blowing raspberries, and now seizes every opportunity to smile. Happy anniversary to me.
Have any of you had cosmetic (elective or not) surgeries? Do you have any suggestions for discussions on the roles of plastic surgery already happening in the blogging world?
For another perspective on the positive role of elective plastic surgery, read Rose’s story in Yes and Yes’s True Story series.
Note: I am not trying to defend or encourage the extreme cosmetic surgeries or argue for surgery as a substitution for a healthy lifestyle and concious effort to build self esteem. Any invasive procedure is a big decision that should not be chosen lightly. I’m just continuing to explore my own feelings about cosmetic procedures and understand where surgery fits into discussions of esteem and personal identity.
What a thoughtful post. I haven’t had real cosmetic surgery, but I have had several moles removed for strictly cosmetic reasons. I had a large mole on my left cheek since childhood. I hated it. I got pimples on the mole and hair grew out of the mole. I turned my face to the right for every picture, parted my hair a certain way, etc, just to hid the mole. I got it removed abuot 2 months ago and I can’t believe I waited that long. I have other moles on my face and body that I am happy with and plan to keep. But that one needed to go. So although it’s pretty minor, I think I hear what you’re saying.
Happy Anniversary to you and your lovely face
Happy Anniversary to you! I’ve not had surgery and I don’t plan to do so, but I thank you for opening this line of discussion. Changing how we see instead of how we look takes time. A LOT of time. And a LOT of people suffer while we’re trying to make change happen. I take your point about needing the kind of change that would have real effects in your life, not the lives of your grandchildren or great-grandchildren.
Hmm. Now that I’ve typed the above, I’m not sure I’m making sense. I’ll wait to see what others have to say.
I think that there is a big difference between just wanting to have surgery done for surgeries sake and doing it in combination with a medical issue where a little extra could make the outcome so much better.
I had very bad teeth, part genetic,part bad habits as a child and part a terrible (former) dentist. Faced with several radical options, one of which involved complicated crowns, bridges and work that was likely to last 10 years or less before replacement, and a total overhaul of my mouth via dental implants that would also at the same time give me a better smile and last more than 30 years, the decision was easy. I was lucky indeed that my insurance paid 99.9% of the work so all I had to do was complete the surgeries and appointments over 1.5 years. Was it easy or painless? definitely not, would I make the same choices again… In a heartbeat.
No longer am I the only person in any group photo with my mouth shut, I’m not longer so ashamed of how my teeth look that I had a silly closed mouth smile with the corners of my mouth turned up… Now I’m happy to show my new smile off and hence I smile more, and with confidence.
Would I have done it all if I had had “good” teeth that I thought could just be made “better”… No.
There are other surgeries that I could have done, for example a quick-fix tummy tuck after having two kids would be wonderful, but I prefer to take the longer and more life changing route that involves regular exercise and good diet and invest the money in something more suited to real “needs” (either of us or others) rather than a frivolous “want”.
Would I have higher self esteem with a tummy tuck? I won’t lie to you… Yes of course, but there is also value in learning to love who you are in spite of who you are sometimes, building the character and strength to achieve it the hard way and to know when to be happy with yourself and stop.
There is a VERY fine line between doing “work” for all the right and all the wrong reasons and it’s for each person to really look deep into their hearts to HONESTLY evaluate the difference between necessity and vanity.
Knowing when to STOP and be happy with life and accept yourself as you are is even better.
Well Done Katie for getting the jaw surgery done, it was necessary and helped you more than just corrective surgery, so why not? that was well worth it in my humble opinion. Your nose btw looks fine to me and always has done, I NEVER would have guessed that it ever had looked differently so never worry about that. It’s how YOU are sculpted and shaped in character as a human being that is so much more more important to remember in the long run. EXCELLENT post!
With or without research or haggis, this is a beautifully written post, and really gets to the heart of one piece of a somewhat controversial issue. Ultimately, in my mind, it is about the individual. What you did was clearly the best choice for you, and has allowed you to blossom into this incredible human being, with self-confidence out the wazoo (weirdest phrase ever? I think so!). In any case, I’m happy to take the day to celebrate your face. Yay, Katie’s face!
This is beautifully written and thoughtful post. I don’t have that much to add to the conversation, except that I really appreciate how open you are with this. I think the more open we are about these sorts of choices, the less stigmatized they become. I’ve not have any cosmetic surgery, but I do plenty of cosmetic things (like slathering on various lotions and such).
Anyway, happy anniversary to your beautiful face!
Thank you. I’ve always been open about my surgeries because they’re so much a part of who I was and who I am. I’m also not ashamed that I had any of it done. Plus, it leads to really cool questions like, “Do you look like the Terminator when you go through an x-ray machine?”
Wow this post touched me and moved me deeply. It’s simply beautiful – as are you. Thank you so much for writing it. You’ve made me think, again and differently, about a subject I consider often. I appreciate that.
I’m glad you posted this. I know plastic surgery is controversial but so often it just seems that people bash it in its entirety. The argument usually seems to be that we all need to learn to accept ourselves and that plastic surgery erases the uniqueness in the world. I can absolutely see where those people are coming from, but I think there are “good” reasons for plastic surgery – like your jaw and kiwidutch’s dental implants. Those were problems that probably really impacted your quality of life and effected the kind of life you led. I don’t know what kiwidutch looked like before, but reading what she wrote and seeing your picture, I think I can say that neither of you were like, grotesque. It’s not that no one would hire you or befriend you or teach you or love you. And you probably wouldn’t die if you didn’t have the work done. But it still really impacted your daily life in a negative way.
I also agree with what kiwidutch said about not doing it if she thought she had a “good” mouth that could be “better.” I’ve never had plastic surgery, but then I don’t really have a “good enough” reason to. I don’t love everything about me – for example I think my nose is enormous and disproportionate and I’m sure I would look much better with a smaller, less bumpy one. I wouldn’t say I have a “good” nose. But it’s “good enough” that I don’t think plastic surgery is a route I need or want to take with it. To me, having a more “attractive” face isn’t worth giving up my “unique” face, in the end. I can still “see past” my nose and look in the mirror and feel pretty good about how I look. But, if every time I looked in the mirror I felt ugly and grotesque because of it, I’d probably have work done. In that case it would be a “good enough” reason. Because it would effect how I felt about myself to the point where I was never feeling good about myself.
That’s why for me, something like Heidi Montag’s plastic surgery was so horrifying – because she was *perfectly lovely* before! And I am so sad that she couldn’t see that about herself. But you know, I’m not her. I don’t know what demons she’s dealing with and what she really sees when she looks in the mirror. And who am I to say that her choice was “wrong”? Yes, when I look at how she used to look and look at her now, I think she really did erase her individuality and I think it’d be an awful world if everyone thought they had to do that. But even though I’m disappointed in her decision (well, as disappointed as I can be about a girl I wouldn’t know existed if she wasn’t in magazines), I’m not in a place to really say that she *shouldn’t* have made that decision.
As the ONLY kid in my family with a wide-ish, slightly bulbous nose, I’ve spent a LOT of time thinking about fate and features. It’s hard not to notice how many actresses had noses JUST LIKE MINE—- right up until their first big paycheck. Thanks, ladies.
I used to believe that everyone should “play the hand they were dealt” and accept their looks… … but it’s easy for a “normal-looking” person to say that. I doubt anyone born with a cleft palate would rant about “god-given” features.
Some days, I feel okay about my half-lovely, half-yeesh face and remember that I’ve always been lucky in love, even without my sisters’ dainty features. Some days, I feel like a hideous troll and would do anything to be all-the-way pretty, not just passable-from-certain-angles. It all averages out.
Happy anniversary to a truly remarkable lady and her face.
Rebekah – I hate to sound like I’m not taking your comment seriously but – you’re kidding, right? You are GORGEOUS and every time I see a photo of you, I think so all over again.
I completely agree, Kelly! However, it always seems like it’s hardest to see that in yourself, doesn’t it?
These comments were startling. It’s taken me ten days to come up with a reply— and I still don’t know what to say.
I don’t usually feel cute, let alone gorgeous. This may be because I grew up with three tall, thin, red-headed (!), fine-featured siblings and it’s hard to measure up to that. Or maybe, as Kelly suggests, it’s just hard to see ourselves.
Whatever it is, you’re both lovely and generous women. I will give your opinions serious thought. =)
When I said “Kelly” in the above comment, I meant “Katie.”
And Kelly — I’ve always thought we looked alike. =)
I hope we do! Because like I said you are a stunner!
Well, I had a sizable lump removed from the top of my inner thigh that kept me from wearing a swimsuit for a number of years. It was not medically necessary, but the lump was certainly unsightly.
My youngest daughter had a jaw reset…it totally reshaped her face and she had to give up clarinet as a result. This WAS medically necessary also.
Now, boob jobs as a high school graduation gift? Not so sure.
After my jaws were redone, I had to relearn how to sing. And my range went up half an octave…
What a great story, Katie! Thanks for sharing this with us, and for being your fabulous, interesting, beautiful self!
no matter what face, glasses, hair, or wicked broach, you are always our one and only and gorgeous katie!!! happy anniversary to you feeling great about yourself, may you only honour and show off your fancy self more and more each day
Pingback: Teeth Whitening: Confidence Booster or Cop-Out? « AVERAGE FANTASTIC