January is always a rotten month, what with being on the other side of holidays, with the perpetual grey, bleary sky, still not much light and more than a little bit of cold. This year was rotten for me for a few reasons that The Internet At Large needs to know about; it was a good day when I put on proper pants, let alone made interesting outfits, and as such I felt I had nothing to contribute here.
And then February hit, and I gave a presentation which went fantastically well, then hopped on a plane and went here…
… and thought about things. Lest you think that I have such quantities of disposable income that I can flit off to Geneva and then one of the really famous bits of the French Alps (that’s Mont Blanc up there) for a week to think about blogging, let me burst your bubble; I went to the Alps for a conference and Geneva was the closest major airport. But since there was free time in the afternoons, one afternoon I walked into the woods, sat under a tree, and thought about life, the universe, and everything.
(from the hilarious Sassyfrass Circus Productions)
I realized that my reluctance to blog comes down to three main words: privilege, deliberation, and innovation. I’m a white, middle class, absurdly over-educated, heterosexual, cisgendered, currently ablebodied woman, and I feel that because of that, when I speak up (ie, blog, in this context) I’m continuing a conversation that’s dominated by people like me, to the exclusion of an awful lot of other people. This is not something I want to do: everyone deserves to be heard, and while intellectually I know that I’m included in that everyone (and plus it’s not like women’s voices on the whole are always heard and valued), this is where the other two words kick in with regards to blogging.
I’m neither deliberate nor innovative with my dressing: I don’t spend time considering if x will work with y, or trying to optimize the proportions of an outfit, or get the right colour balance between my shirt and my shoes. I crash around at the last minute, grab what’s clean, do a quick assessment to make sure I didn’t drop toothpaste on my shirt, and head out the door. It’s not deliberate, considered, or measured, and as such I feel like my hackneyed method doesn’t fit in circles of people who put not inconsiderable time and effort into their presentation. I’ve realized I’m never going to be a polished, sophisticated woman and I’m coming to terms with that; blogging in circles full of women who are just that underscores the difference, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt a bit.
Now if my frenzied grab-what’s-clean-and-run method turned up fabulous, innovative outfits then maybe I’d feel differently, because at least I’d look zippy or unusual or… something. But there’s not much variation in my outfits: usually two layers on top, some sort of plain bottom, red ballet flats, a pendant necklace, bad hair and awkward posing. Not exactly groundbreaking stuff — anyone grabbing an outfit out of my closet would have a good chance of coming up with the same thing. I’m not happy with my wardrobe because of this, but I’m not in a position financially to buy a lot of non-cheap clothing and besides that I’m increasingly coming to the conclusion that there’s no ethical way to clothe oneself in the Western world. I’m reluctant to throw stuff out and start over because I’m unhappy with what (still functional, presentable) garments I have, because that’s a big act of privilege, and I’m nowhere near comfortable with exercising it.
This naturally raises the question: why am I blogging about clothes in the first place? Even though my actual clothes are bland and unmemorable, I like talking about what clothing means, how it fits into our identities, and our relationships with it. I’m not necessarily good at it, and I am woefully unknowledgeable about all the cultural theory and analysis that goes along with it, but I like it. Unfortunately, being long winded, short on pictures, and not necessarily great at it, those posts often don’t go very far. I get discouraged — why blog if no-one cares — and then I just sort of fizzle on the whole thing.
And that’s about where I am with this now: fizzled. I’m feeling generally refreshed from my trip, and I’m hoping that in the blog context that’ll translate into more posting, but I’ve made statements like that before and it never seems to stick. Maybe if I take off the pressure to do outfit posts, I’ll post more about the stuff I like more, but then will the few people who do read still read? Part of me feels like snappy outfits are a prerequisite you need to have before people’ll listen to the rest of what you have to say. While it’s all fine and good to natter into the abyss, it’s rather reassuring when the abyss talks back, and I’ve got plenty of unresponsive abysses laying around I could talk to instead.
I’m not sure how to wrap this up: there’s not a lot of point to it, so there’s no real point to wrap up. To be fair, though, I did warn you with that hilarious navel gazing picture up there — I’m totally saving that for future use too.
Hi, Millie. Katie’s dad here. I say post whenever it suits you. I enjoy reading your thoughts (though not always agreeing with them, which shouldn’t surprise you), but you have worthwhile things to say. Please keep saying them!
I agree with Katie’s dad – post whatever suits you. I enjoy reading your thoughts and ponderings, snappy outfit photo or not. As a similarly privileged person working from a structural social work perspective, I appreciate the points you raise(d)!
Hi Millie, I like your infrequent thinky-thoughts posts, and FWIW I follow you Interrobangs precisely because you are NOT what I think of when I think of an obnoxiously privileged fashion blogger. (I’m not sure anybody I’m aware of in the blogosphere is, actually)
And sometimes I think worrying over privilege is in itself a trap for educated but non-wealthy people. That self doubt is manipulated into us because we might be the most effective voices for change, but instead we get marginalized as “liberal elites” and made to doubt that we speak for “real people”. I don’t think that way of thinking is cultivated in us by accident.
No one I follow in the blogosphere is really on the other side of that stratospheric wealth divide that’s pumping up the Gini index — we’re all at best upper middle class, and we are not what’s truly driving the world’s economic inequality problem. Voluntarily shutting down your voice/public image because of privilege isn’t going to make a bit of difference in the realm where the Koch Brothers and their ilk manipulate all of our economic and social lives — it’s just going to shut you down personally.
On the other hand, if you actually crave going back to web-anonymity, it’s OK. Just don’t feel shamed into it somehow.
As for Millie-style, I spent years and years not being particularly “good at” self presentation, and I don’t think it’s something that you have to arrive at fully formed before you can speak, or that it makes you any less interesting that you’re not there (or even sure you want to head in that direction).
Them’s my 2 cents.
You say many things in this post that really touch on my own thoughts, but articulate them in ways I can’t – that happens often when you write, though I don’t comment as often as I should to tell you that. Like other commenters, I hope you continue to blog as I enjoy reading your ideas.
Millie, if you met me in person you would seriously wonder about my style, since what defines me is probably lack of it, and I wear whatever I’m in the mood for on the day. That usually means whatever is clean fresh out of the laundry LOL.
I do it for very similar reasons to yours too.
My best friends says she is horrified that I’m still wearing the same clothes I wore years ago, that I hardly bother with fashion or “keeping up to date”.
Then she said something that totally surprised me , she said ” you aren’t afraid to just be you, you aren’t a slave to the latest thing and you really don’t care what people think about it… I honestly wish I could be more like you, but I’m too scared of what people think.”
She and I despite being the best of friends are probably at one extreme and the other when it comes to clothes style… I know it would do us both a lot of good to try and meet in the middle somewhere, but deep in my heart I’m not sure we ever will LOL.
Consider the fact that you are a UNIQUE human being, you need not measure up to anyone else, only to standards and goals that you set for your self.
Be true to that, and you DO have a voice well worth hearing.
Blog about anything YOU want, want to get radical and look step by step at the human cost of clothing manufacturing around the world? want to look at how deeper “issues” in the fashion world, do you want to interview and support small businesses locally with your writings? (the local person who makes great jewelery or seamstress perhaps) …or something completely different?
You don’t need to have an underprivileged or deprived background to make your opinions valid ones, you just need eyes open to the bigger picture and aware of issues that touch YOUR heart.
Blog about whatever you are passionate about.
You are in this blog as part of a team of four friends.. you are like a four-piece jigsaw puzzle.. that’s great, but never forget that the pieces compliment each other and don’t compete, and no puzzle pieces were ever intended to have duplicate images on each of the pieces.
Find WHATEVER topic you are comfortable blogging about and just enjoy blogging!
Genève looks wonderful btw… you even managed some blue sky instead of standard winter gray LOL. I hope that you had fun in your free afternoons, ate well and very much enjoyed the trip!
“You are in this blog as part of a team of four friends.. you are like a four-piece jigsaw puzzle.. that’s great, but never forget that the pieces compliment each other and don’t compete, and no puzzle pieces were ever intended to have duplicate images on each of the pieces.”
Kiwidutch, I LOVE this. I didn’t start blogging to be a part of a larger community (although I adore that we’ve been adopted into it); I started blogging to find more ways to connect to these three amazing women. In a perfect world we’d see each other every day and I’d be able to hear Millie’s deep thoughts, Chelsie’s fantastically sharp wit, and Sarah’s unending enthusiasm for the world in person. But if I can’t hear all that in person, at least I get to read it online.
Katie,
Thanks! You four are a diamond of many facets
Oh, Millie. Whatever you post, I will still read. You should feel free to post about whatever you want because you will have legions of slobbering minions who will want to read.
Also, ooh, Geneva! I’ve never been, but my parents have spent a lot of time there every fall for the past ten or so years and they rave about it. Pretty.
I would love to see more entries reflecting on the meaning of clothing, ESPECIALLY from a woman who may have a much different take than the rest of the fashion blogging world she fears she’s too demographically similar to. It is more insightful and meaningful than another picture of an outfit you just grabbed.
You can also explore how people wear clothes and why rather than what. It’s on the whole a more interesting question I think.
Hi *wave*
I don’t think I’ve evered commented on this blog, but I just wanted to say that I really enjoy reading it, and more so because it’s not all fancy pictures and clothing. Keep up posting whatever you feel like, or nothing at all if that’s what’s right for you.
Thanks for taking the time!
What a thoughtful and well-articulated post. It definitely echoes some of what I struggle with when it comes to style blogging. I think it’s really refreshing to see your outfits, because they look real to me.
This is why I really like this blog. I never know what to expect. And I know that you are real and that makes it reassuring and hopeful. Thank you for being who you are and sharing it with the world. We all need a little more thinking and gentleness rather than isolated reactions. Post on what you fancy. We’re here to read it…
Millie – it’s your blog. Write whatever you want to write and I’ll continue to read it. I like that this blog isn’t about being perfect with perfect trendy clothes and the latest bag. I like that it’s thinky and interesting and that’s why I read it.
But, if you don’t want to blog anymore, I totally understand that as well. I’ve only been doing it a month and already I question whether I really should be a blogger.
Thanks everyone for your supportive comments! It’s really nice to know that what I have to say resonates with you; blogging is first a mode of communication with the other Interrobangs, but it’s gone way beyond that by this point, and it’s heartening to get feedback that it’s working, even though it feels held together with spit and duct tape.
Geneva is indeed a gorgeous city, though I didn’t see too much of it — I was there for a day on either side of the conference. I had the good fortune to hit a streak of outstanding weather — warm with blue skies for the whole week. When I flew back, though, it started to snow literally as the plane was on the tarmac — my weather luck totally ran out.
Hey Millie! I’m late to this but I do also want to say that I always read your posts, even if I don’t comment. While I like the other posts here on IA, yours resonate with me the most and I’d be happy to read text-only things if that’s what you wanted to post.
I did also want to say that I also think – even if we are privileged – when parts of me are feeling marginalized, it’s nice for me to see I have allies who are maybe not the marginalized part of me but are supportive and empathetic. So I think the loss of (privileged) supportive voices to the marginalized are a shame, as long as those voices don’t take over for the voices we also need to hear.
Hi Millie I love reading this blog and enjoy all your contributions and different viewpoints. I find it refreshing that you are just yourself, and your intelligence and humour shine through in each post.
Damn skippy!
Millie m’dear, I’m ALWAYS happy to see your posts. They don’t need outfits, they don’t need photos. If your heart lies elsewhere, then by all means write about that Elsewhere.
“I’ve realized I’m never going to be a polished, sophisticated woman and I’m coming to terms with that; blogging in circles full of women who are just that underscores the difference, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt a bit.”
I feel this way, too. But I don’t WANT to doll up more often or fuss with my hair, etc..—- but readers comment most on such posts, and a girl gets lonely! I’m trying to figure out what I REALLY care about and who will want to read about my minimalist, hippie side. =)
“I’m reluctant to throw stuff out and start over because I’m unhappy with what (still functional, presentable) garments I have, because that’s a big act of privilege, and I’m nowhere near comfortable with exercising it.”
Yep. Tough spot. I strongly dislike half of my wardrobe, but I’m unwilling to chuck it all away and replace it with sweatshop goods, blah blah blah. Let me know what you come up with, please!