Theres a lot of things that surprise me in my travels, both differences and similarities the world over. Though, this is not some intellectual piece on religious formalities, or social class, or political diplomacy. No. Its
about cleavage. And now that I have your attention….
I have to say that the rules for modesty are as varied as a Skittles bag. Whats considered appropriate inside one boarder, deplorable in another. From topless beaches in Spain, to shin length dress in Vietnam, to bum embracing jeans in Belize, the rules for appropriateness are not the same where you land. (And yes, I realize that males may also have rules of conduct, but in all honesty as a woman I haven’t picked up so closely on this. Any males care to educate me?)
I’ve been thinking about these concepts lately, trying to balance my clothing options so I’m not melting from heat, but still respectable to the conservative impressions in my new town. Its not to say I’m an avid flasher, in fact, I would consider myself to be quite modest. My legs used to stay hidden under jeans, even in the South African heat, my tummy never exposed in a bikini. But through the years, either through more self acceptance or yoga, I’ve started to reveal more trinkets of skin here and there. I thought I had a good balance, but apparently I still have much to learn.
On my most recent train journey from Kolkata city back to my
rural-ness, the woman beside me began tugging at my top, bringing it up in the
front, pulling it at the back. I was laughing, and some of the other women
around us were motioning to her that it was okay. But her stern eyes darted
between me and the male fruit seller in our ladies only compartment, as if to
remind me ‘theres a man in the room, mind the goods’.
So whats your take on whats appropriate, whats not. When is a lil’cleavge ok, when does it become ‘girls gone wild’ territory? Does this cross your mind when you get dressed, or an after thought when climbing some stairs (we’ve all been there, haven’t we).
Happy commenting!
I’m not the most well-endowed girl, so it doesn’t occur to me that a low-cut top might be immodest until I bend over and realize you can see EVERYTHING. It made me think more carefully about what I wear to work, but luckily real life doesn’t involve me bending over too much. (I’m sure there are terrible jokes to be made there.)
To me, it’s not appropriate for another person to adjust YOUR clothing— I wonder if she would have done this to a traveler her own age, or if she felt a maternal right to make sure you were covered. I know nothing about the culture; maybe cleavage is a BIG faux pas there and she was doing you a huge favor!
When I was young ‘n’ Mormon, there was lots of modesty policing; when one young man felt my shirt wasn’t buttoned high enough, he felt entitled to reach over and button it FOR me. How is THAT appropriate? “You are inspiring dirty, dirty thoughts; to end that, I’ll reach over and touch you without permission!”
I also don’t like to think breasts as “the goods,” as if they were for sale and showing skin proved you were selling something or cheapening yourself. I know you didn’t mean the phrase that way, but do you know what I’m saying?
I When I left that church, it was thrilling to get to set my OWN modesty rules; I experimented with half-shirts, skintight dresses, a mini skirt, a sweater cut so low my sternum showed… Personally, I sometimes show cleavage in casual settings, but I prefer my skirts knee-length so I can squat, bike, or climb stairs without wondering what shows.
So many thoughts. I assume that most people who know me have seen my cleavage at one point or another, because it’s hard to hide it. For me to completely cover up all the time, I have to wear shirts/dresses that practically reach my sternum. Not only is that uncomfortable, but it’s also a very unflattering neckline on me. So a little cleavage is to be expected.
However, I’m also the queen of a variety of “modesty pieces” from tank tops to cardigans to scarves mitigate how much of myself is shown to others. I also chose those accessories because I think it’s easy for my appearance to veer into inappropriate territory because my chest is as large as it is. You can’t miss it even when it’s covered up – add too much cleavage and it quickly becomes inappropriate for certain settings.
Hmm, I was surprised to read in the blogosphere somewhere this past week that naked shoulders were inappropriate in some south Asian settings. Perhaps, it is as simple as taking a cue or two from the natives.
whew, lots of great comments peoples
terri, i agree, it would be really interesting to look at the history of why and how these modetesy rules are shaped. sadly, this busy bee barely has enough time to sleep let alone a heavy essay research! but hey now, maybe i can work on this for a future post? i have to say im a oober curious about this.
katie, i think youve raised a good point here about what is sometimes unavoidable, but that there are options. is there anything a scarf cant do?
rebekah, that is a great question, whould this lovely lady have adjusted the top of a fellow local? well, she most likely wouldnt have to as i’ve yet to see any indian woman show off too much. but i suppose only she could answer that
and perhaps ‘goods’ was not the best of feminine language to use here! and if i were you id probably have slapped that man, sooo not cool.
rubybastille, i so agree! sometimes whether something is appropriate or not comes only after that gust of wind blew up your skirt, or you dropped your cell phone and need to pick it up. can be a bit tricky to plan for!
I’m amazed that the woman on the train felt it was okay to fiddle with your clothes! Maybe she thought since you were being immodest by her standards that it was okay?
I’m not overly cautious about my cleavage, but that’s mostly because I’ve not got much to begin with. It’s not something I put much thought into when getting dressed, though I do check how much shows when I bend over (and adjust accordingly).