- Do continuously forget what airline you’re on and speak to flight attendants in the wrong language
- Do avoid the Frankfurt International Airport – it smells like farts
- Don’t wear pants
- Do wear something else that covers your bum
- Do be prepared to do epic battle with the guy in the seat in front of you for every precious inch of legroom on an eight-hour flight. I’m not saying you should adjust his seat every time he gets up to go to the bathroom, only that you could…
- Do make friends with your airplane seatmates. You might just get lucky and have a heated debate over peanuts vs. hazelnuts and synchronize your video monitors to watch Beauty and the Beast so you can all hum along together
- Don’t hum too loudly, the dude across the aisle from you has no appreciation of classic musicals
- Don’t listen to that playlist of Buddy Holly covers – you’ll start imagining suspect engine noises
- Do grab all the discarded European style magazines you can find. The pictures are pretty and every once in a while you’ll spot a word you know. Pamplemousse!
- Do start crying quite unattractively if you miss your connecting flight and are facing the horror of spending the night in the Newark Airport – you’ll get the last remaining seat in the world, and it’ll be emergency exit row at that!
- Don’t decide to watch Dolphin Tale when you’ve been awake for 30 hours. All the crying just weirds out the guy next to you
- Do be thrilled to finally get home, and start planning your next trip!
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