Category Archives: Feminism

Today in Ill-Posed Questions: Is Marriage Still Relevant?

M’colleagues and I at Interrobangs Anonymous are big fans of Jian Ghomeshi, so it’s not at all meant as a snipe at him or his work in general when I say that I’m a bit disappointed in the debate he had on Q asking whether marriage is still a relevant institution. The debate was broadcast about two weeks ago, but I’ve spent the past bit traipsing around various parts of Canada for Christmas, so I’m just getting this all down in electrons now. The audio (~20 minutes) is at the link, and this post will probably make considerably more sense if you listen to it first.

The debate had Iris Krasnow arguing that marriage is still a relevant institution, and Russell Smith arguing against it. Karsnow’s arguments centred on interviews with women she did for a book she wrote on women’s roles in marriage; she cited that the majority of the women she talked to spoke highly and longingly of marriage and long term commitment. Smith’s central argument was that there are no legal teeth in marriage that enforce commitment, especially considering that there is a significant divorce rate, and that the benefits of marriage are not meaningfully dependent on having signed a certificate. I personally am solidly in Smith’s camp on this issue — I have no intention of marrying, and many of my thoughts on marriage were mirrored by points he brought up. In that light, then, I have some specific beefs both with arguments put forward by Krasnow, and also some glaring omissions on everyone’s part (though obviously not every aspect of the question can be covered in 20 minutes).

My principal objection is that the debate (and Krasnow’s argument in particular) focused almost entirely on the relevance of marriage in individual partnerships, rather than how we as a society collectively treat the institution. While an individual marriage is very personal and the parameters of it are particular to the individuals involved, marriage as an institution has more depth and complexity than just being a sum of components. As such, how we regard marriage as a society is not informed just by our individual experiences with marriage (either directly or by proximity to others), but also how we perceive the institution as a whole, with all the legal and economic considerations that it entails. The legal considerations were touched on in passing in the debate, but the considerable economic considerations were nearly entirely ignored.

This is shortsighted; expounding that marriage is a relevant institution simply because 90% of USians will get married at some point in their lives (as Krasnow does; the figure in Canada appears to be around 85%) misses much of the picture as to why people get married. Leaving aside that Krasnow’s argument is based on a rosy-glassed romantic view of marriage, which she later says is not the basis of a marriage, insisting that a social institution is culturally relevant without exploring why people opt into it is toothless. There are still plenty of economic and codified social benefits to marriage, including the oft-cited (and much dismissed by the insistently rosy-glassed among us) things like tax incentives, increased availability of pooled resources like health benefits, and next-of-kin status in the event of hospital stays.

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Revolution Through Sweaty Apathy

If you compare my style posts between this summer and last, there’s a difference. The cheesy poses and never-ending love for late-90s pop music are still there, but the clothes I wear while listening to my awesome BSB/Take That/Robyn mix CDs have changed.

For as long as I’ve been the driving force behind dressing myself, I’ve had rules. Things that, because of how I viewed my body and anticipated society reacting to it, I wouldn’t wear:

  • No tank tops without a shirt/cardigan over top to hide my arm jiggle/cover my keratosis pilaris/keep my bra straps from being visible
  • No form fitting shirts without a tank top underneath to slim the lines of my stomach
  • No short shorts or skirts that show where my thighs touch

The point of the rules was to camouflage those parts of myself that I felt didn’t live up to universally determined social standards of beauty. For me to be beautiful, I had to cover up what was not.

It’s worth noting that these aren’t rules I arbitrarily made up – they’re in ever fashion magazine and every makeover show. And even as a feminist and body-positive advocate who sees the falsehood inherent in the “one beauty fits all” model, I still allowed myself to subscribe to that message and dress in a fashion that fit it.

This pattern continued until…well…last month, when something significant happened: IT GOT FREAKIN’ HOT. I know most of North America has been suffocating under an electric blanket this summer, but my northern European sensibilities have a limit and that limit is 90+ degrees every day.

It was so hot for so long (and still is) that suddenly my wardrobe no longer worked. Cardigans and layering shirts were ridiculous, knee-length skirts were suffocating, and all I wanted to do was lounge around in a tank top and shorts. But I had to leave the house eventually, and what was I to wear? A tank top and shorts? But I couldn’t just wear that, could I?

I could. And it was then that I decided to stop caring. I don’t care if you see the red bumps on the backs of my arms. I don’t care if my stomach isn’t flat under my tank top. I don’t care that the tops of my thighs wiggle when I walk. It’s too damn hot and I just don’t care. I’m still clean and well put together, I still look nice and am subscribing to my own parameters of modesty, but it stops there. No more additional camouflage dressing.

It’s funny. I always assumed that my moment of sartorial empowerment would come after months, nay, years, of intense reflection and self-love. I thought my new attitude would be militant and charge out into the world, defiant and unstoppable, but it’s been much quieter. Truthfully, there’s nothing really to be defiant towards, except that judge-y voice in my head that’s grown too weak with heat exhaustion to put up much of a fight.

I will not be so naive as to assume that this change in attitude and dressing was spontaneously conceived. I know that my engagement and belief in body-positive discourses (including this blog and many of yours) played a pivotal role in bringing me to this point. I just didn’t think the month of July would be its catalyst. Or, perhaps it was simply time for this change to occur and my continuing temperature torture is merely correlation and not causation.

Whatever the cause(s), there’s a quiet revolution occurring in my closet – a revolution fueled in equal parts by confidence and apathy. I don’t pretend to believe my image issues are all completely gone, and who knows what my dressing instincts will be once the weather stops all its crazy. But I’m happy with this new-found freedom and how I’m dressing my body to fit within it.

Have you had a similar moment of choice? Was yours fueled by the weather or are you all made of tougher stuff than I?

For a similar train of thought, be sure to read A Dress a Day‘s “You Don’t Have to be Pretty.”