Oh, chicken dumplings, it’s my favorite time of year again! Yes, it’s finally arrived: the Miss Universe pageant. And that means only one thing: wackadoodle national costumes. Remember last year’s? Here’s the full list in all its sequined and scaffolded glory. Some are lovely, most are not, and the Caribbean nations are now collectively responsible for a world full of naked birds.
Vagina dentata! Also, cultural appropriation. Both are wrong and scary.
Just in time for Halloween: Sexy Miner.
The latest in reusable shopping bag chic.
Is she seriously offering us cake? Off with her head!
We already established that teeth shouldn’t grow out of your girly bits, and neither should trees.
Every year someone brings a sword…or two. It is nice to see a way to recycle those CD sleeves we all hung on our walls, though.
There’s a crown and there’s a ship and I know one of them goes on my head…
Nigeria: the world’s largest exporter of Red Rageous Mike and Ikes.
Miss Puerto Rico
The only Caribbean contestant not drowning in feathers. Because she’s a mutant alien lizard instead.
And when the mutant alien lizards attack, I’m hiding behind Miss Tanzania and her unicorn-human hybrid army.
Finally, my homeland. Known for our subtlety and class.
It’s like being flashed by Betsey Ross.
Will you watch the pageant tonight? I’ve got five bucks that says Miss Tanzania and Miss Guyana get into a spike fight.