I got 6 of them. I liked them, but I could never get past the pleather wrinkling a bit and how heavy and dark they looked. We live in a smaller 1950s house with a main floor and basement. You can see the break in the flooring where the dining room used to be the third bedroom on the main floor but was removed by a previous owner to enlarge the living space. I could never get over how high the backs were on these chairs and how they made the space feel a little claustrophobic to me. We kept them for almost two months and then I caved and returned them. The store has a 90 day return policy, which was great, and they were no trouble to return.

Back to the drawing board I decided I wanted something a bit lighter and more in keeping with our current aesthetic. The other thing about the Parson chairs is that they didn’t seem to go with the decorating vibe I wanted. So I decided to go with something a bit more modern. Enter Ikea’s URBAN chairs. Yes,they are modern and a bit riskier, but they can be used indoor or outdoors. The way I thought about it was that they are easy to stack and store, easy to clean, and if I decided to go with a different look I could easily use them as patio chairs around the outdoor table (our current outdoor chairs should probably be decommissioned and the price is comparable to other outdoor chairs). For $50 a piece I bought 4 chairs. I will be keeping an eye out for two nice accent chairs to add to the ends of table to seat 6 when we have guests.

I’m glad I went with these chairs. They look so much lighter, smaller, and cleaner around the table. They feel durable, and I have already had a toddler incident with red crayon. I must admit it took a bit of scrubbing, but the crayon came off and the chair looks no worse for wear!

I love shiny toenails in winter. They’re a lovely secret surprise (unlike dill pickle chips masquerading as sour cream and onion. Damn lying potatoes).

FYI, this is Revlon’s “Gold Coin” and it meets my two top polish criteria:

1. You only need one coat
2. You only need one hand, leaving the other free for eating chips

And here’s how my shiny toes would look with a dodo tattoo.

Why get a butterfly for metamorphosis when you can get a dodo for extinction?

I thought it would be perfect for the upstairs spare bedroom that we are slowly decorating. We also saw a bunch of similar maps when we went to Restoration Hardware.

A full wall map would have been ideal, but the largest size I found to print was about 4 feet by 5 feet. I got the print done at Staples in their largest format. It was too big for them to print in store, so they had to send it out. I had converted my map to black and white which saved a LOT of money. The print itself is on normal everyday letter weight paper and cost $15. A print in colour would have been on a heavier poster weight paper, but would have been closer to $75-100. This project was a bit of an experiment and $15 was a much easier hit to take if the project did not turn out.

You can see from the picture how big the map is. Our dining room table has the leaf extension in this picture, which seats 6 people comfortably. I had to use the flash for this picture which explains the glare/lack of contrast in the closest corner.

I had S make a canvas for the map with two support beams. We got the wood from Home Depot for about $7, we already had wood screws to put it together. The fabric we used for the canvas is from a double bedsheet I picked up for $1 from a local thrift store.

We stapled the sheet tightly to the frame. You definitely need a helper for this step.

Then we affixed the paper map to the canvas using a glue stick. This is where I know we went wrong. I should have used the spray glue adhesive. Sure it’s not cheap, but I actually had some. I was afraid that it would be more difficult to get the map on straight because with the spray glue you usually only have only one chance. You can’t go back after you place it if it the first time and it is slightly askew or wrinkled. I may have played it too safe is retrospect, but if/when I do this project again I may try the spray glue (or perhaps a layer of Podge on the blank canvas…)

Then I put a layer of Mod Podge on the print (I had 1/2 a jar of glossy leftover from Micheal’s – always use a coupon!) With the first layer of Podge make sure you get the sides down. In retrospect maybe I should have Podged the canvas first and then affixed the map. Regardless. After soaking the print with Podge I started to worry because the map wrinkled. Luckily it dried and the wrinkles came out. This picture is after the first layer of Podge.

I put on a second layer of Podge, after which I had no more Podge left. It wrinkled this time too. I was pretty worried with the wrinkled that this would be the end of the project. I was glad that I convinced S to put in two supporting beams.

I noticed at this point that the bedsheet had not affixed to the map very well in the back, and I could pinch the fabric away from the map. Luckily the sides were well affixed with Podge. I could have left it like this, but I wanted have the print more permanently affixed to the canvas. So I turned the print upside down and painted a 50/50 mix of white adhesive glue and water on the sheet, which soaked through to the canvas and stuck it together. The adhesive glue I used was a small bottle of book binding glue I got for free at a conference, but I’m sure normal white glue would get the same result. Mixing it with water allowed the glue to soak through the sheet. Luckily this worked. It wrinkled again and I was sure I had just destroyed my project. This step was perhaps a bit risky?

Result:

I like how the glossy look gives the map extra character. I would easily have gone with a matte finish, but I had glossy Podge on hand.

You can also see a glimpse here of the paint colour of the spare bedroom and the knobs I chose for the dresser I refinished. The knobs still need to be secured with better washers and bolts, but you get the idea.

Perhaps a peak of the bedframe that is almost finished?

I was thinking the map would go above the bed, like the inspirational picture, but I could end up hanging above the dresser. The layout is not for sure yet, but it is not a large room.

• Blazer – Ross
• Shell – Old Navy
• Jeans – Silver
• Invisible Shoes – Hush Puppies
• Necklace – La Mama

["Take Two" of Surreptitious Museum Outfit Shots. Pro: not blurry! Cons: no feet. Also, mysterious orb - probably a ghost - floating on my head. It's a work in progress.]

And now, for a story:

Why I Will Never be Hired to Write About Fashion

The Break Room at Katie’s Museum

Co-Worker #1: ”That’s a pretty shirt, Katie. I like the pattern.”

Katie:” Thanks! I like it, too*, even though it secretly sort of reminds me of the cross-section of a penis.”

*This is where I should have stopped talking

Co-Worker #2: Ummm…

Co-Worker #1: ”I’m surprised you know what the cross-section of a penis looks like.”

Co-Worker #3: ”Really? We are talking about Katie.*”

*I think she was implying that I know a lot of weird things. Not that I go around dissecting manly bits. Although I have done that to a shark…

Katie: “Oh yeah, I had a whole semester of Mammalian Physiology on reproductive organs. I know a lot about penises.”

Co-Worker #4 (male) who just walked in: “…I think I’m going to go eat in the other room…”

Co-Worker #2: “You do realize, that now every time you wear that shirt, we’re all going to be thinking ‘There goes Katie in her secret penis shirt.’”

Katie: “That seems fair.”

Yep, never going to be a fashion writer. Unless Biology of Reproduction is hiring.

Also, here is a picture of my necklace next to a Silver Medal from the 2010 Vancouver Olympics.

Apparently Craig Ferguson did a long interview with Stephen Fry, and Millie could listen to the two of them talk all day.

A guy modified a record player to play tree rings rather than vinyl. So neat!

Millie and her gentleman friend went to see Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy last weekend, and she thinks she probably missed about half of the important bits of implied information. This rather thorough analysis fills in a lot of the gaps though.

Backstage at the Dior couture show.

The Stoakes-Whibley Natural Index of Supernatural Collective Nouns.

Lego man in space!

Need something to do to kill time? Try this colour matching game, which is sure to infuriate you.

“Let the way of women, guide democracy”

Basel was the most beautiful city I’ve ever seen, and the Basel Museum of Natural History is my new dream institution (cough…hire me…cough). That day was the happiest on my trip, even if the Rocket Scientist and I did poke our heads into a 3-story McDonald’s and note that a Happy Meal cost $15.

Warning: images of human remains and vampire deer.

P.S. Did you notice the monkey’s butt? I’m secretly a 12-year old boy.

• Dress – thrifted
• Cardigan – Sam’s Club
• Tights – no idea
• Socks – Target
• Boots – Clark’s
• Necklace – The Rocket Scientist

No need to adjust your monitors, I really am that blurry today. Just squint and pretend it’s artsy.

This outfit was an experiment. Work’s been difficult, for a variety of reasons, and silly as it may sound, the way I was dressing wasn’t helping. Wearing jeans and hoodies and flannel shirts was practical for the work I do, but it also made me miserable. I didn’t feel like me, I didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin.

So today I dressed like me: a dress, drapey layers, and the continuation of my never-ending quest to rock 90′s-esque silhouettes. And, yes, I did have to wear an ugly brown smock that smelled distinctly like feet and pencil shavings for part of the day to keep my clothes clean, but it was worth it.

I also experimented with taking sneaky photos at work (but on my break, in case my supervisors ever discover this blog). The photos ALL came out blurry, so there’s work to be done yet (again, work I’ll do on my break).

No idea what I’m doing here. None.

A 13-year old girl vlogs intelligently about “slut shaming.” Well done!

Nerds and male privilege (just don’t read the comments) (via Ruby Bastille)

Disney vs. Miyazaki

If you read nothing else in this post, read this: Indo-chic. (It’s on the problems with bindis, and Indian garments and styling becoming popular in the West, and it’s fantastic.) (via garconniere)

This is a great piece on why some men play as women (or men) in video games. Millie’s got a couple of video game related posts up her sleeve, if she ever gets around to writing them out.

Animation of a lonely desk toy taking a trip.

A cape made out of spider silk. Gorgeous!

Practical writing tips from an assortment of authors.

Weird lava!

A reporter for The Toronto Star, along with considerable help from an array of people from school principals to readers, helped get Roya Shams, a 17 year old Afghani girl who wants to be a politician to carry on her father’s work, get to Canada so she can attend school in Ottawa. This is one remarkable girl, by all accounts. The back coverage is here.

• Blazer – Ross
• Shirt – Target
• Pants – Gap
• Boots – Clarks
• Belt – thrifted
• Necklace – South Korea, gift

My current museum job ends in April, so I’m already preparing for whatever my next adventure might be. Along with looking for my next gig, I’m continuing to build my “professional” wardrobe.*

*And just biding my time until they make formalwear Snuggies. Black tie in the front, open in the back.

When I found these wonderfully wide leg pants on uber-clearance at the Gap, I quickly added them to my interview arsenal.

And on a completely unrelated note, how much do my arms and hands look like a tree frog’s in the following photo?

Another hiring plus, if you ask me. I wear awesome pants AND I imitate a sticky-toed, three-eyelided amphibian. Score!

Strasbourg calls itself the “Capital of Christmas,” and takes that title very seriously. There were eleven different Christkindlemariks spread throughout the city and all the buildings were covered in lights, ornaments, and stuffed polar bears (you’ll see).

They don’t dress up the cathedral, though, which is a shame. ‘Cause it sure isn’t much to look at…

After admiring 17th century vandals, The Rocket Scientist and I discovered flambee. French bread topped with butter, goat cheese and bacon. Viva la France!

After eating our weight in cheese, we timidly ventured into Hermes, where the door had a doorman and nothing had a price tag. Which means those scarves I took were free, right? Right.

This reminded me of a recent article I read where Scarlett Johannson listed people in pjs at the airport as one of her pet peeves, something that prompted me to shout ‘yes!’, in enthusiastic agreement.

I can understand the need to be comfortable while flying, trust me. With 31 flights in 2011 alone, ranging from 1 hour to 14, I can respect the fact that economy seats never recline enough for a solid nap, that the toilets will always have wet floors, and that you will inevitably spill some of your veggie pasta on your lap during turbulence.  I used to stick to my fake birks, cargo pants, and loose top to make such journeys, but with more and more travel I’ve found that I actually want to separate from my prior backpacker ways. I have already given a post on this (see sarah’s guide to dressing like a classy broad while traveling) but then I stumbled on the following video by chance and i felt this is an ‘issue’ i need to revisit.

Miss Jenna Marbles, I can respect the fact you want to be comfortable, but hey now, style is style whether your at sea level or peeing 20000+ feet in the air.

But I put the question out to the faithful viewers, what is your go-to airport wear?Do you agree with Miss Marbles, or of the ‘bringing back style to travel’ persuasion?

Looking forward to your replies! Best and blackouts from India*

ps. On my last flight I did wear said new black/flower baby doll dress, black opaque tights,flat mary janes, and a cozy but still stylish black and white cardigan. I was wiping a few tears away, so I didnt think of taking a photo. Next time though!

Did anyone else preorder the album like me?

“Change the Sheets”

“Wapusk”

“Back to Me”

“Run”

• Jacket – thrifted
• Shirt – thrifted
• Necklace – Anthro
• Belt – thrifted
• Pants – Gap
• Shoes – Clarks

I felt remarkably like a hobo in this outfit. No rails to ride, but the combination of boots, short pants, and a suit jacket always feels hobo-esque to me. But my coworker said it looked chic – a SoHo hobo, if you will.

Maybe I just need Edna Mode to make me a new suit, too.

There was architecture:

Freiburg Cathedral

There was food (oh, the glorious cheese):

Spaghetti Ice Cream

Portable Fondue!

More delicious than the Russian version

For all your chocolate kitten eating needs

Easter eggs all year long

There were boys riding snails, spiders in Christmas trees, and tiny dogs wearing leather and feather jackets:

There were alarmingly realistic Lego representations of ancient Egypt:

You brought a hippo to a knife fight

There were Buddy Christs, wasted youth, pimping shoes, Mr. Bones and funny signs:

And my favorite place in Germany:

Warning: Europeans are FAR better dressed than I. I did my best.

Germany/France/Switzerland were FREEZING, so this was the uniform of every  day, complete with leggings under the jeans, multiple pairs of socks, and the occasional sweater pilfered from The Rocket Scientist.

• Hat – Vera Wang
• Puffy coat – Tommy Hilfinger
• Jeans – Dish
• Purse – la Mama

When, on rare occasion, I warmed up, I looked like this:

• Sweater – Lauren Conrad
• Tank top – thrifted
• Jeans – Dish
• Shoes – Clarks

My life will now be incomplete without a whale skeleton to suspend from the ceiling.

When I flew on planes, I rejected pants. I also looked blurry (blame The Rocket Scientist. For the blurriness, not the lack o’ pants):

• Tunic – Gap
• Scarf – thrifted
• Cardigan – mysterious Sam’s Club brand
• Leggings – Target
• Shoes – Clarks

The Rocket Scientist also looked especially adorable on this trip:

Shawl-collar sweater AND Orangina! Perfection.

I don’t know what’s cuter – The Rocket Scientist in his fabulous new hat, or the naked baby bum on the wall behind him.

Yep, the baby bum. But there’s no shame in coming second to a baby bum.

Stay tuned for more vacation photos. Mostly of food, since I’m a girl with her priorities in order.

I must have been mad to start this project in the middle of the heat in August. Well, the project really started two years ago when we went to a New Years Day auction and brought home this dresser.

A year and a half later I finally began the process of refinishing it. I donned the breathing apparatus, goggles, big gloves and long sleeves, and took paint thinner to this bad boy while listening to an audiobook on my ipod. Of course you want to know the name of the book don’t you? I was listening to A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness. It took me two days to get all the paint scrapped off. Mostly because you have to paint on the paint thinner, wait for it to bubble off a bit (takes about 2-3 minutes), scrape it, repaint it with paint thinner, scrape it again, etc. Each surface has to be done about 5-6 times, and there was only one coat of paint on this dresser. The paint was pretty old. I’m pretty sure it was lead based. It took me two afternoons. Mostly because it was really hot outside, and you just got bored of painting and scraping and sounding like Darth Vader.

Then I filled some gauges in the wood with wood filler, and after that was dry we took the palm sander to it. I sanded about half before my hand got terribly numb, then S took over and finished it off. We sanded once with the more abrasive sandpaper, then with the fine stuff.

Next step was staining it. Of course I chose my favorite stain colour, Dark Walnut by Minwax. The great thing about buying a house is that sometimes you get free stuff. There is a giant mirror behind our shed, a dehumidifier was left behind, and we got lots of paint amongst other things. We also acquired this can on stain, among a couple others, and some polyurethane. I gave it one swipe of stain, letting it seap for about two minutes before taking a rag and wiping off the excess.

The next day I started polyurethane coats. I gave it three coats of polyurethane, with a very light finishing sand in between coats.

Here is a sneak peak of the result.

The room colour has since been changed, and I just picked up some knobs for the drawers over Christmas. They have not yet been affixed.

*Though you should watch the whole thing, as it’s better than Jeopardy! That’s right, I said it.

• Do continuously forget what airline you’re on and speak to flight attendants in the wrong language
• Do avoid the Frankfurt International Airport – it smells like farts
• Don’t wear pants
• Do wear something else that covers your bum
• Do be prepared to do epic battle with the guy in the seat in front of you for every precious inch of legroom on an eight-hour flight. I’m not saying you should adjust his seat every time he gets up to go to the bathroom, only that you could…
• Do make friends with your airplane seatmates. You might just get lucky and have a heated debate over peanuts vs. hazelnuts and synchronize your video monitors to watch Beauty and the Beast so you can all hum along together
• Don’t hum too loudly, the dude across the aisle from you has no appreciation of classic musicals
• Don’t listen to that playlist of Buddy Holly covers – you’ll start imagining suspect engine noises
• Do grab all the discarded European style magazines you can find. The pictures are pretty and every once in a while you’ll spot a word you know. Pamplemousse!
• Do start crying quite unattractively if you miss your connecting flight and are facing the horror of spending the night in the Newark Airport – you’ll get the last remaining seat in the world, and it’ll be emergency exit row at that!
• Don’t decide to watch Dolphin Tale when you’ve been awake for 30 hours. All the crying just weirds out the guy next to you
• Do be thrilled to finally get home, and start planning your next trip!

New thoughts about what an appendix does, and how having one may help save your life. Millie rather likes the idea of a bacteria farm in her innards.

Turns out orangutans love playing with iPads, especially watching video of other orangutans they know. The picture of the little one holding an iPad with all four appendages is impossibly adorable.

8th Fire is a TV and radio series on relations between Aboriginal Canadians and non-Aboriginal Canadians on the CBC starting next week. There’s online content too, and looks pretty great.

Making a robot cute makes people much more likely to interact with it, and interact positively.

Women! When riding your new-fangled bicycle, you must follow these rules!

A woman made an R2D2 ballerina costume, and called it Artootutu. Brilliant! (via the Mary Sue)

Also from The Mary Sue, Star Trek figures dance in stop motion to All the Single Ladies (All the Trekkie Ladies?).

English pronunciation (this one’s especially for Katie’s Dad and The Rocket Scientist)

The Ryan Gosling memes continue. Now he loves museums – huzzah!

An excellent extra credit question.

Stephen Harper wants to monitor Canadians online. Bad Prime Minister, bad!

Maurice Sendak tells you to go to hell and it’s adorable.

20 Ways to Get Good Karma, by the Dalai Lama. [Millie: I <3 the Dalai Lama so, so much. He's the sort of spiritual leader my little atheist heart can really get behind.]

Knitting.

You see, my lovely gentleman friend A. went and bought me this for Christmas:

He didn't buy me the mittens themselves, but a knitting kit to make the mittens.

The sounds I made upon opening it were not unlike (very, very loud) hedgehog squeaks.

I have no idea how he came across these, considering he’s not at all of the crafty sort, but you can see why I have to learn how to knit, right? There’s no way I can not make these somewhere down the road, so I need to get started on the road now in the hopes that I’ll be competent enough to make these for next winter.

I’m fortunate in that I know quite a few people who know how to knit, and I suspect several of them would be willing to teach me. But sometimes it’s nice to have videos/books/etc for learning tools too, because I feel considerably better getting surly and cussy at my computer screen than at my friend who’s already doing me a significant favour, and I know full well I will get surly and cussy about this. I’ve been sewing for over ten years and I regularly get surly and cussy about it, even when it’s going well. Plus I’m left-handed, so trying to flip everything mentally so that the mechanism makes sense with respect to how my brain makes sense of the world while learning is… interesting. I’ve tried halfheartedly to learn how to knit before, and it went very poorly, partially for that reason.

I’m under the impression that at least some of the fine and wonderful readers of this blog know how to knit to some degree, so do you know of any good resources for the beginning knitter? Gold stars for any that are left-handed! I’ve signed up at ravelry.com, since I’m under the impression that that’s the thing knitters do, and if you want to look me up I’m milliescientist.

I anticipate much flailing and waving of needles, and a very grouchy Millie. I’ll keep you posted!

• Cardigan – Norma Kamali
• Tunic – Gap
• Belt – thrifted
• Leggings – Target
• Necklace – The Rocket Scientist
• Boots – Trotters

The reign of No-Pants Katie continues! Behold, my version of Cake’s “Short Skirt, Long Jacket.” But without the skirt. And with a cardigan instead of a jacket. But other than that it’s a totally identical pastry-related outfit.

The volume of material in the front makes me feel better about the lack of pants in the back…sort of. So I keep my back to walls. Hides my bum AND helps prevent sneaky ninja assassination attempts.

Such a fantastic song! Watch the official video here.

The debate had Iris Krasnow arguing that marriage is still a relevant institution, and Russell Smith arguing against it. Karsnow’s arguments centred on interviews with women she did for a book she wrote on women’s roles in marriage; she cited that the majority of the women she talked to spoke highly and longingly of marriage and long term commitment. Smith’s central argument was that there are no legal teeth in marriage that enforce commitment, especially considering that there is a significant divorce rate, and that the benefits of marriage are not meaningfully dependent on having signed a certificate. I personally am solidly in Smith’s camp on this issue — I have no intention of marrying, and many of my thoughts on marriage were mirrored by points he brought up. In that light, then, I have some specific beefs both with arguments put forward by Krasnow, and also some glaring omissions on everyone’s part (though obviously not every aspect of the question can be covered in 20 minutes).

My principal objection is that the debate (and Krasnow’s argument in particular) focused almost entirely on the relevance of marriage in individual partnerships, rather than how we as a society collectively treat the institution. While an individual marriage is very personal and the parameters of it are particular to the individuals involved, marriage as an institution has more depth and complexity than just being a sum of components. As such, how we regard marriage as a society is not informed just by our individual experiences with marriage (either directly or by proximity to others), but also how we perceive the institution as a whole, with all the legal and economic considerations that it entails. The legal considerations were touched on in passing in the debate, but the considerable economic considerations were nearly entirely ignored.

This is shortsighted; expounding that marriage is a relevant institution simply because 90% of USians will get married at some point in their lives (as Krasnow does; the figure in Canada appears to be around 85%) misses much of the picture as to why people get married. Leaving aside that Krasnow’s argument is based on a rosy-glassed romantic view of marriage, which she later says is not the basis of a marriage, insisting that a social institution is culturally relevant without exploring why people opt into it is toothless. There are still plenty of economic and codified social benefits to marriage, including the oft-cited (and much dismissed by the insistently rosy-glassed among us) things like tax incentives, increased availability of pooled resources like health benefits, and next-of-kin status in the event of hospital stays.

Women, historically, find their social and legal identities more transformed than their male partners. (Of course this varies on an individual basis, but I’m talking on a society-wide scale here. Since same-sex marriage is a recent addition to the legal definition of marriage, I’m leaving it out of this argument, which is rooted in more distant history.) This is evidenced by (among other things) the difference between Miss and Mrs, the fraught discussion about name-changing, the legitimized social status that often comes with marriage, and the traditional assumption that women drop out of the work force after marriage. Setting aside personal nomenclature for this post, there are still considerable economic pressures facing women who marry. If they’re looking to having children in the foreseeable future, do they stay in the workforce, or do they stay home with their child(ren)? How much can they afford to spend on childcare? To what degree can they expect to have a stable, equitably paid job (to the extent that anyone has a stable job, and any woman is equitably paid) if they return to the workforce? How do they manage the typical burden of child-rearing in conjunction with their career? (I wish more people asked that of men.) There’s still a significant pay gap between women with and without children — and women (and men) with children have extra mouths to feed, clothe, and attempt to keep healthy. Codifying a relationship via marriage, for many women, provides some economic security. Their husbands have a better chance of being well paid and keep a stable job, often even better than men without children (see eighth paragraph down; however, it’s unclear to me in which direction the causation goes). Legally pooling the economic resources can provide the woman with some measure of economic insurance. If things go awry, there are legal avenues she can pursue to ensure her economic security which may not be available to her without a marriage certificate.

Conversely, as gender inequality is reduced, the institution of marriage as economic (and social) insurance becomes increasingly unnecessary. There’s no need to marry for economic reasons when your economic prospects look bright, or at least not dismal. There’s no need to marry when you are still considered a full and important member of society on your own, rather than as a companion to your husband. There’s no need to marry when your relationship is publicly acknowledged by your daily, mundane actions witnessed by your family and friends. As women are increasingly viewed as complete and vital citizens in their own right, and not just in relation to their husbands and children, the institution of marriage (which exists solely to codify those relations) becomes increasingly outdated and irrelevant. Rebranding marriage in terms of romance, couched in the language used to market diamonds, seems like grasping at straws, and I believe it tries to tie secular marriage to religious marriage in an attempt to speak to people’s emotional sides.

I’ve left out the religious aspect of marriage up to this point on purpose, mostly because I can contribute little to that conversation. Marriage comes out of a religious context, but the economic and legal aspects of it are secularly regulated now. Marriage as an institution exists as a secular/religious duality; the place of marriage in a religious versus a secular context is very different, and I’ll leave that discussion to those better versed in organized religion, but my criticism, I believe, of the secular branch of the institution stands on its own.

Because it’s pretty clear to me that if marriage is not already irrelevant, it’s heading in that direction. Something like 40% of young people (ie, the people we think of as of marrying age) think that marriage is becoming outdated, and I’d wager that a lot of that 40% end up marrying not purely for romance and emotional satisfaction, but also significantly for pedestrian things like health and dental benefits, immigration issues, or family pressure. Since people are marrying older and more educated (though the workforce as a whole is more educated than it was 40 or 50 years ago), the argument that marriage is designed to make us adults falls flat. Most of the people getting married have acquired to some degree many of the typical trappings of nascent adulthood (moving out of their parent’s home, full-time job, Ikea couch, etc) that in the past were acquired at the same time as a wedding ring. On the other hand, with unemployment rates among young people being astronomically high (though this is more true in the US than in Canada, where rates are falling), the division between independent adulthood and the ill-defined place that many people in their twenties find themselves is very murky. And what are the actual trappings of adulthood, anyway? Stable employment? Plenty of people well beyond their twenties find themselves in unstable jobs. A matching china set? A house in the suburbs and a car in the driveway? Trite material goods are a poor indicator of social maturity, and houses are often out of reach of younger adults (20- and 30-somethings) due lack of employment certainty. Is marriage itself the defining line between adulthood and non-adulthood? That’s just a circular argument which is ultimately meaningless and excludes all those who can’t legally marry from reaching adulthood (though thankfully, this is not an issue in Canada), and plus it doesn’t make any sense. I’m afraid I have no good answer to the question.

I should, in wrapping this up, reiterate that I’m not talking about your marriage. I understand that there’re plenty of reasons why people get married, and that many people who do find great personal meaning and fulfillment in it, and that’s great! That’s your personal beeswax, and none of mine (or the state’s). But how we approach the institution of marriage rather than particular, individual marriages is evolving and crumbling in light of a more progressive and open society. If anything, weirdly, I think that makes individual marriages more important: if it’s not socially compulsory, and you’ve got compelling personal motivation (possibly religious?) to get married, then isn’t that more significant than if you get married because you’re pressured or forced into it, or you’ll have a severely limited place in society if you don’t? It seems to me that entering into a marriage because you personally find it meaningful, rather than being pressed into it for any set of a variety of reasons, makes your choice that much more profound. To get to the point where people are marrying only for deeply personal reasons like the yearning for publicly affirmed commitment that Krasnow posits as solely the domain of institutionalized marriage (which I think is hogwash — plenty of unmarried people are deeply, publicly committed to their partners), we need to as a society strip out all the economic and pedestrian privileges of marriage. We need to work towards a society where everyone can get married if they want to (which in itself is another form of reducing inequality), but at the same time our work to reduce inequality across demographic axes (gender, race, social class, etc) is chipping away at the economic, legal, and social pressures that prod couples down the aisle. Ultimately, how you define your relationship is your business — and none of mine, and by extension, none of the state’s.